Sunday 23 November 2014

Premature Ejaculation and Tantric Massage



I thought it might be interesting to write about premature ejaculation, my experiences with it and feelings about it. (it would be great to hear from other therapists, what their experiences are)
 
Please note I am writing from the view of a Tantric Masseur/ Healer - I am no doctor or sexual Therapist.
Obviously not all cases of men suffering from premature ejaculation are going to be the same.

One potential cause, I find, is that the energy between sexual partners just does not match too well (yet). This can be mainly because of one partner or both. I speak from own experience here too. Usually I do not have any problems holding my erection and cumming when I feel like cumming, i.e. waiting for as long as feels right. I have had the occasional casual sexual encounter though, where I might (for whatever reason?) feel insecure or simply too excited (I might not have had sex for a while and the energy has kind of built up). There often is an element of not being able to relax very well with that partner. I will fancy them physically, but there usually won't be much of an emotional, mental or spiritual connection.
If on the other hand it comes to another encounter, with the same partner, I find that the second time things usually work fine already.As it has come to a second encounter there is much less anxiety already that the other person might not fancy me or vise versa- i.e. I or him will be more relaxed. Second encounters are rare though, if the first one has not worked too well - not sure if that is just a phenomenon in the gay scene? 

Discrepancies in energies can also be down to the other person, 'fault', if it can be called that, does not always lie with me. I have had sex with plenty handsome and gorgeous guys without a problem, but then there will be that one where I suddenly do not feel attractive enough, think I might not be well endowed enough, or else. Through my tantric massage work with clients I have found that sometimes it is actually the really gorgeous guys though, that are the most insecure. They spend hours in the gym, have the perfect body and still think they are not attractive enough... If they strongly expect you to not fancy them though, they literally project that energy and can hinder a natural sexual energy flow with a sexual partner. If the partner casual or else, takes on these insecurities, thinks it is actually him/ her, the problem can increase. 
The trick is then to not take ones not-so-great performance personally, forgive oneself and not get hung up on it (literally). Usually with the next guy, things will be fine again... Just as with other non-sexual encounters we have, sometimes we just do not get along with everyone....
Such energy discrepancies can, in my observation, be exacerbated by drugs. I e.g. have a real aversion against mephodrone and that drug does not seem to like me either. I.e. if a guy is high on meph and especially if I am all sober, it is harder to connect. Even if I have not smelled yet that he is on meph or tasted it when kissing...
 

I can imagine that for someone e.g. coming out of a long term relationship and not having had many sexual partners yet, such an encounter, where he comes faster that he would like to, could cause anxiety, especially if it happens for the first time.
I would think it is like riding a bicycle - if one falls off, it is best to get back on again so that such an anxiety does not grow into a viscous circle. I'd say rest assured - you are not the only man it can happens to!
It can be scary when it happens - and a bit of a knock to the inner male pride, but as mentioned, usually I find that with the next partner (or the one after that), things are normal again. So there is no reason to beat oneself up about it.

Anxiety seems to be the main factor as it is. At times I get clients who have their first erotic encounter with another man and are understandably anxious. Usually here too, if they come back another time, things are more relaxed already and their performance longer lasting. (I could well imagine it is the same when clients go to see a female tantric masseuse for the first time)
There might obviously be other reasons why clients might be anxious about using a Tantric Massage service - I do not usually ask too much, as I feel it is up to the client to decide if he would like to speak about this or not. Some reasons might be very personal and I want my clients to relax as best as possible and not worry about what I might do with information they divulge.
(obviously I (and all good Tantric Masseurs) adhere to strictest Confidentiality and Data Protection rules - but I am aware that trust has to be built up and some fears can creep up whether we rationally want them to or not)

Some clients seem to generally stress about many things and get stuck in anxiety patterns. It feels as if they then carry such e.g. work anxieties into their sexual life. They are usually quite tense from their muscles too and seem to have a hard time relaxing. I have had a few occasions where such clients would actually inform me about their premature ejaculation problems beforehand, in most cases I found though that after some whole body massage (which their muscles had been screaming for) they relaxed nicely and any feared premature ejaculation did not play up. One such client even lasted longer then the average client... I.e. if you think you suffer from premature ejaculation and are worried about a planned date with a new partner, maybe a good plan would be to hit the gym beforehand and spend some time in the whirlpool afterwards, to help you relax. Or even just take a nice hot relaxing bath at home first (with or without that partner) - anything that gives you more of a clear, relaxing break after work,so you do not carry your work anxieties into your sex life...

So why might tantric massage be a good idea too? 
A good tantric therapist will be non-judgmental, unconditionally loving (the spiritual kind of love, not the emotional kind) and caring in their attitude. With a tantric massage there is a clear cut set up of exchange of energies too. The therapist gives his/ her energy and effort to provide an excellent massage and the client pays a fee 'in exchange'. As opposed to other erotic encounters there might  not be any, or less, anxiety about having to impress the therapist with ones looks, attire, income or profession - there is no courting involved and hence no potential rejection.
Then there is the potential physical side of a tantric massage. I.e. by stimulating erogenous zones, but combining this with a whole body massage many clients will be erect for long periods of time. As the sexual energy slowly builds up though, the therapist might not e.g. touch the lingam for a good while yet. Most clients, who might fear they are suffering from premature ejaculation, will not actually climax unless through direct contact with the lingam though. Such clients can now experience that they can be erect for longer periods of time, without climaxing quickly. I also read that supposedly when a male is erect this triggers extra production of testosterone, which in turn can improve libido and sexual function....
Furthermore a good Tantric therapist is there to provide the client with a service and not out for their own potential climax. They will therefore be more sensitive to the client's energies and have a greater chance of feeling when they approach the point of no return. They can then discontinue the lingam massage for a while and help the client calm down a bit again, before increasing arousal again. This too, potentially, will give such clients a chance to become more confident that erotic encounters can be more relaxing and longer lasting!
Good tantric masseurs will also feel the client's sexual energies and help him to spread these throughout his bodies. By spreading the sexual energies throughout the bodies the energy does not get dissipate as such, it is more that the whole body becomes a sexual organ. Many men focus all their sexual energy on their lingam, ideally we have enough sexual energy though to charge the whole body. If men focus all that energy on just the lingam it is no wonder they cannot but explodesmile

By spreading the energy throughout the bodies orgasms should be become more whole body orgasms with time too!

I would recommend that clients who might worry that they might climax too quickly, to book in for a longer session (ideally 2hrs). A longer session will have two benefits – firstly a longer session will have more whole body massage included – you’ll relax more and might loose unnecessary anxieties that way already. Secondly (at least with the massage I provide) with the longer sessions there is two ‘high points’, two lingam massages – not just one. Clients who climax already during the fist lingam massage, have some time to recuperate and then climax again with the second lingam massage. Quite frequently, with the first pressure released earlier – they do climax again but will take longer the second time around.  
Sometimes a quick climax just cannot be avoided  - Rome was not built in a day either. A professional tantric masseur or masseuse does not have any expectations about your performance though. They won't be disappointment or take it personal - them not reacting negatively can potentially help you not get as hung up about it either. Also you get second, third etc. chances with a professional tantric therapist and with each new visit you will hopefully feel more relaxed and less anxious. Furthermore many tantric masseurs are good and trained massage therapists, so even if the erotic part initially is not as hoped for, you will have received great whole body massage for your money at least....

Obviously Tantra in it's essence has strong spiritual roots. Whereas I do not think it is essential for clients to believe themselves in a higher power, it might be comforting for those - who do have higher believes and who might think that they for whatever reason do not deserve a good erotic experience, or should not have one, to hear that I never ever had the feeling, with any of my clients, that the divine refused to provide them with healing energies during a tantric massage. Nor that the divine ever did not support the tantric healing process!
I feel sexuality is a divine gift to be cherished not felt guilty about!



Love and Light! Tantra is about the journey not the destination!

Tom - www.maletantricmassage.co.uk
+44 7939 425 504